Growing up..I was always the “strange” 1..the “misunderstood” 1..the kid with issues..that ppl talked about..2day, I am the 1 that ppl come 2..im the woman who is still strange 2 get the answers 2 the questions that paralyze those in fear…But God..I thank u 4 being all these things..
it is unmistakably true that when u know, u just know..when enough is enough..the process of love and falling in it & the falling out of it..absolutely blows my mind. u wake up 1 day & realize that the mere thought of living without this 1 person pains u 2 ur core..u become a lesser thought, while their well- being far outweighs thoughts of self..u become self-less, realizing the responsibility of someone’s heart, sanity & life, has been willingly once wanted placed in your hands is no longer needed & somehow over 2 decades the essence of self has been lost..neva defeated, but undeniably lost………..
Now don’t get it twisted, this epiphany does not…by any means…prevent mistakes or ensure a happy ending..but boy, does that possibility of my own liddo slice of “Happily Ever After” entice me 2 keep traveling down this daunting road of LOVE..in pursuit of happiness..something I am ultimately responsible for & yes something I can call my own…….
its so crazy how we grow up & grow out of our old ways..took me some time & damn if our old ways don’t fight 2 hold on 2 us..temptation, arguments, drama, lies, betrayal, miscommunication..those things happen..but then, then we grow up..I’ve grown up & realized that by saying those 3 toxic, potent, amazing words we indeed signed a love contract..a contract that has been breached & so easily broken..Needless 2 say, I’ve signed my name in bright red blood & b4 the blood dried on the N in Morgan I found myself needing, wanting, & desiring only 1.. willing 2 fight 4 what we are building & ready 2 go 2 war 2 keep in tact what we have built..but I can’t remodel a foundation that has been built on lie after lie…its not right & I deserve..a reality based on truth. I found myself in love with every flaw..I’ve fallen in his cracks..I soaked up his shortcomings & swallowed every faulty word with grace & unconditional love.
My name is April & I’m addicted 2 a human..
I grew up, fell in love w/ me & I am constantly being taught how 2 be a better person..Love does wonders………………………..
“For You formed my inward parts, You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth, Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they were all written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16